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Phil Hopkins
Group Travel Editor & Theatre Correspondent
@philhopkinsuk
9:50 AM 10th October 2019
travel

Fame, Funerals & Hollywood Myths

 
“We call it the bitch zone,” she said. “If it goes below 75 degrees we bitch that it’s too cold, but one degree above and we moan that it’s too hot!”

It was a funny comment – funny ha ha I mean – although I refrained from a full-throated laugh considering that we were standing in the middle of a graveyard; one of California’s most famous to be precise.

The blonde haired, middle-aged woman had seen me looking aimlessly at the wall to wall columbarium at Forest Lawn Memorial Park on the outskirts of Tinseltown.

There are two main ‘resting’ areas: Glendale and Hollywood Hills. I was in the latter.

“Can I help?” she’d asked by way of introduction.

“Well I’m not sure,” I replied.

“Who are you looking for?”

“Well………” I paused. “Can’t say I’m entirely sure.”

“How about Bette Davis? You know her,” she assured, assuming that anyone who didn’t was either a half-wit or straight out of deepest Africa, “and then there’s Carrie Fisher who played Princess Leia in Star Wars.” She was on a roll now. “She’s buried with her mom, Debbie Reynolds, and if you cross over to the George Washington Monument further down you’ll find Stan Laurel and the amazing Lincoln Statue and mosaic nearby.”

Bette Davis' Memorial
Bette Davis' Memorial
My new friend was clutching a bunch of flowers.

“You’re a Brit aren’t you? I can tell from your accent.”

“Yes”

“Well, look behind you and walk a few yards. You’ll find the grave of Ian Fraser ‘Lemmy’ Kilmister.”

The name struck an immediate chord. He was Motorhead’s gruff-voiced front man responsible for the group’s raucous number, Ace of Spades and many others like it; a heavy metal God who my phone wi-fi rapidly confirmed, had been born in Stoke-on-Trent!

“I told you,” said the blonde lady. “I often visit and fans can be seen lying flowers at the foot of his grave. Occasionally a big music name calls just to say hello and share a few moments with Lemmy. My daughter’s here too,” she added casually before saying her farewells and floating away with all the ease of her earlier appearance.

I stupidly thought her daughter was working at Forest Lawn, momentarily forgetting where we both were and failed to ask ‘mom’ her story; ‘c’est la vie,’ I thought, ‘an opportunity missed.’

Forest Lawn Memorial Park was fascinating, serene and, somehow, a little sad. We were at the epicentre of the world’s movie industry – Hollywood Boulevard was a 10 minute cab ride away - where the mighty dollar and the brand of your shirt meant everything to a population eternally obsessed with youth, boob jobs, and fame.

And yet, some of the once most famous people in the world, now lay alone with few visitors, if any, even vaguely interested in who they had once been. Had a visit to Forest Lawn been accompanied by cash back, the line of adorning fans might have been much longer!

The words on Stan Laurel’s gravestone were simple: ‘His genius in the art of humor brought gladness to the world he loved’. Lemmy’s epitaph, a little more philosophical and straight from one of his song lyrics: ‘Born to lose, lived to win’.

Stan Laurel’s grave
Stan Laurel’s grave
Each had once reigned over their respective worlds of music and comedy. One left them laughing in the aisles, the other had them screaming in the mosh pit. Now, no one was laughing and all was silent. It was a subtle reminder of the finality and frailty of human life.

Percy Bysshe Shelley’s sonnet Ozymandias came to mind: ‘Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!’

Michael Jackson, Clark Gable, Errol Flynn and a raft of other ‘celebrities’ lay in the ground at Glendale, Forest Lawn’s other memorial park a short cab drive away; all had suffered a similar fate; they had each shed their mortal coils!

Earlier in the day the words ‘Friends’ and ‘Big Bang Theory’, two of the iconic shows produced by Warner Brothers, were mentioned probably a dozen times as we took the WB Studio Tour in neighbouring Burbank. One was pedalling the ‘now’ andI had just witnessed the ‘then’. Either way, both the studio and the cemetery each had their own array of ‘stars’, albeit some were now members of that great movie theatre in the sky!

“If you like Friends or anything else I mention just shout out and I’ll tell you more. If I don’t hear you I’ll assume you don’t want additional info. Ok?”

The young woman who was driving the studio equivalent of a 1970’s milk float, only hers seated about 15 people, was a mine of information: dates, names, popular shows, movies, stars; you name it, she knew it!

Every now and then someone would call out for more information and the human encyclopaedia would start to regurgitate her facts.

We had been able to gain entry to Warner Brothers courtesy of ‘Go Los Angeles’, an attractions entry card that offers tourists up to 60% discount on more than 30 of LA’s most popular attractions.

We each had a $94 three attractions pass and 30 days in which to use it, ideal for two sightseers who were wanting to take their time!

The Go Los Angeles Card For Attraction Discounts
The Go Los Angeles Card For Attraction Discounts
Uber is a lifesaver in Los Angeles where the still developing subway system not only remains under long-term construction with the 2028 Olympics in mind, but public transport is at a minimum with sidewalks a rare luxury.

“Every time I order an Uber,” I said to the jovial African American who had come our aid in the Burbank area as we sought to find our way back to the Orlando Hotel, “I’m given three choices: a shared cab, a cab just for ourselves or a ‘comfort ride’. What on earth is a comfort ride.”

Boutique Luxury Close To Beverly Hills
Boutique Luxury Close To Beverly Hills
He grinned. “It’s there to guarantee comfort and plenty of room.” He was being diplomatic so I pushed a little harder.

“Well, this is a nice car with air-con and plenty of room.”

“Not if you’re obese,” he countered.

“Ah, so the comfort ride is for fat b******s” I joked in my thicker than usual Yorkshire accent. If he could have fallen off his seat laughing our driver would have. He was still laughing a mile later.

“You guys ain’t American,” he said, “because we’re not allowed to say things like that in America,” not that we were in the UK I thought, “but you’re damn right!” He laughed again and, as we stepped out of his vehicle, he said he had been delighted to meet us and that we had made his day. Deep laughter was still emanating from the cab as he drove away.

The Orlando Hotel is a boutique property situated in the heart of Mid-City’s vibrant West 3rd Street bordering Beverly Hills and West Hollywood and a near neighbour to luxurious Rodeo Drive.



Offering us understated luxury with urban ambiance, the Orlando fitted well in a neighbourhood that oozes international brands – even Stella McCartney has an outlet just up the road – along with hefty price tags!

Later we took the short ride to Hollywood Boulevard, still home to the annual Oscars but, no doubt, a distinctly tackier area than it was in the 40’s when Sid Grauman’s Chinese Theatre was at its height and basking in its own Oscar limelight.



The Walk of Fame seemed to stretch for miles and every man and his dog sought to lighten the pockets of passers-by. Homeless people asked for cash whilst someone dressed in a Spiderman costume urged people to have a selfie with him then put out his hand for a dollar, urging them to ‘show the love’ under his superhuman breath.

Outside Grauman's Chinese Theatre, Hollywood Boulevard
Outside Grauman's Chinese Theatre, Hollywood Boulevard
Tacky souvenir shops seemed to be more prolific than the movies themselves and sat alongside cafes, restaurants, cheap lingerie outlets, Madame Tussauds and the occasional movie theatre.

“What’s happening dude?” I said, failing miserably to fit in with my English accent. It was early evening by then and a long stretch of Hollywood Boulevard had been cordoned off. The same had happened a few days earlier as the world awaited the arrival of Joaquin Phoenix, star of the latest Joker movie.

“It’s Angelina.”

“Angelina?”

“Angelina Jolie,” explained the girl. “It’s the premier of the second Maleficent move and Angelina should be along in about 45 minutes.”

My days of being jostled by crowds or crushed against sturdy barriers were long since gone; I pushed on home, passing dozens of people sporting cardboard Maleficent headbands, no doubt distributed by marketing types, eager to get the movie’s name in front of news cameras; more coverage, more people, more dollars.

Alex was a little more circumspect about the fame game. He was our guide on the Bikes & Hikes Tours walk to the Hollywood sign which began outside the Greek Theatre in Griffith Park. A digital poster announcing the arrival of 80’s pop icon Adam Ant did its work.

Hike Your Way To The Hollywood Sign
Hike Your Way To The Hollywood Sign
The chances of becoming an A-Lister are like winning the lottery twice. If you want to be in the movie industry you have to love it otherwise Hollywood will chew you up and spit you out.

“I do voice overs and some bit parts. They tend to call me when they need a hard man or a tough speaking cop,” said the Van Diesel lookalike.

“In between I do what I can to make a living: voice overs, bit parts, walking tours and waiting table. I’ve served finger food to Brad Pitt and Leonard Di Caprio, “ he said proudly. “They were attending the wedding of the President of one of the big studios. It was a must attend event for all the A Listers I guess. Everyone was there.”

Alex filled in a few more gaps about the movie industry and took us to the top of Mount Hollywood for 360 degree panoramic views, explaining that that was as close as we were likely to get to the famous Hollywood sign. If we did take it upon ourselves to get ‘really’ close, then we would be ill-advised to climb any of the letters, it was a $1,000 fine!

We had just one more attraction visit left on our LA Go Pass so, next day, we called another Uber and headed for the Grammy Museum in Downtown LA.

This time our driver was a New Yorker who’d been living in LA. “I make a good living,” he said. “I rent houses and then sub-let them to Airbnb bookers. I am completely honest with landlords,” he added, “but it works and I make a good return which I top up with Uber cab work. I reckon you need around $70k in these parts to have anything resembling a half decent life.”

We said farewell and got our tickets for the Grammy Museum.

The second floor was closed for refurbishment leaving just two floors for visitors to explore. Had we been short changed? Hardly. This was one of LA’s most fascinating places and was brilliantly curated, a myriad of music genres, videos and valuable historic information about both the awards and the history of music.

Four hours later we emerged from the museum with our feet still tapping and tunes whizzing round our heads.

It had been a whistle-stop tour of Hollywood and wider LA.

Traffic, impossible bustlines, high prices, brands, expensive shopping, non-existent sidewalks and, of course, movies, the ever-present movie, they were all there

Somewhere Over The Rainbow!
Somewhere Over The Rainbow!
We’d found Judy Garland’s grave in the Hollywood Forever cemetery, having been buoyed by our earlier visit to Forest Lawn, been to see her new film, Judy, just two hours later – a peculiar experience – and got the LA low-down from those people who really did know the score: Uber drivers, guides and part-time actors.

Hollywood is a place that everyone must visit at least once in their lives but, as you get older and, hopefully, a little wiser, you will probably take greater comfort in the joys of the Yorkshire Dales and the pleasure of a quiet, well-priced meal in Murgatroyd’s or the Wetherby Whaler in Guiseley!

However, the draw of Tinseltown with its tackiness, glitter and shimmering lights, is something that will still be drawing the crowds, and the movie goers, in another 50 years.

Fact Box
Orlando Hotel – www.theorlando.com
LA Go Pass – https://gocity.com/los-angeles/en-us
Warner Brothers Studio Tour - https://www.wbstudiotour.com/
Grammy Museums - https://www.grammymuseum.org/
Bikes & Hikes - https://bikesandhikesla.com/

For more information on the breadth of experiences found across the USA, please visit www.visittheusa.co.uk