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Part 3 - The Final Frontier: Stupidity Vs Maturity
Chris Longden, Features Writer
Chris and brother with our dog Kimmy
A Yorkshire 13 yr old lass is providing words of wisdom to her mother, once more.

HER: “Mum, what’s the stupidest argument that you’ve ever had with anyone?”

ME: “How do you mean? You mean at work? Or at home? Or in a shop, or on Question Time and that sort of thing?”

HER: “Well, when you behaved the most stupidly yourself, I mean.”

ME: “Good grief. There are hundreds … no thousands - of examples that I could give you. Right, well, how about when I was on holiday in Tenerife when I was 15. I threw a tin of baked bins at my best friend’s head. She was siding with my brother over something. It really annoyed me.”

HER: “That was very stupid of you. Did it hit her.”

ME: “No – it missed. I deliberately aimed it just to startle her. And yes it was incredibly stupid. And it made a dent in Uncle Ted’s apartment wall.”

HER:“Savage. What else have you done?”

Also by Chris Longden...
Budgie Escapade
A Mother And Her 13 Yr Old Daughter, Holmfirth Cafe On A Sunny Sunday
Inventions Of Paradise
A Re-Roofing Jobby
The Maturing Year - Part 2…
ME: “Oh, loads. Really idiotic stuff. My brother used to cop for most of it. I once dropped a pouffe onto his head, from the top of the stairs.”

HER: “Nasty. Did it hit him hard? Is that why he went into teaching?”

ME: “No, it wasn’t a very hard pouffe.”

HER: “What is a pouffe anyway?”

ME: “Oh – you know, a stool.”

HER: “You threw a STOOL at him? That’s disgusting!”

ME: “Not that kind of stool. Good grief. And erm … I once chucked a roller skate at him. Back in the 70’s – before the roller-boot came along, they were made of cast iron or something. Lethal, they were.”

HER: “Didn’t you leave empty bags of crisps filled with water, lying about in his room too? Bet all of your fights toughened him up – maybe that’s why he’s doing well in politics now.”

ME: “Probably. Anyway, there’s never an excuse for resorting to violence – in any situation. And no, before you ask – I’m not telling you about any of the stupid grown-up rows that I’ve had with people.”

HER: “Oh, don’t worry – I see them all of the time. Like, the other day – when you and Dad were having a row about whose turn it was to put the washing out. It was so pathetic!”

ME: “Yeah, it was a bit.”

HER: “I mean – I just wanted to come downstairs and yell at you both for being so childish.”

ME: “That probably wouldn’t have gone down too well.”

HER: “Yeah. Why is it that adults get even angrier when they happen to be in the wrong and a child tries to point it out to them? It’s the story of my life, it is.”

Kung fu fighting - Chris with her brother


Part 3 - The Final Frontier: Stupidity Vs Maturity, 5th January 2018, 15:51 PM